In The News Today

(source)

Oh Hi!

It's been a few weeks again, I apologize for that. However I have a good reason this time: I was a help leader at a one week camp. Yes, that's an experience.

Anyways, that's not what I'm going to talk about today. I'm home alone, it's 12am and I started thinking (you don't say). 

I don't exactly know how to start this blog post. So I'm going to start with a question: Do you watch/read the news? Do you turn on the TV/radio at a certain time and hear about all that's happening in this world? 

I don't. I stopped reading/watching the news when I some months ago had a breakdown over all the negative in the news. This country is in war with that country. This murderer is walking around freely. That rapist didn't get the life sentence. This country has been taken over by Isis. These people were murdered because they're black. This many people died last year of hunger. That many people get raped each day.

You see, for a passionate 17-year-old girl it's hard to hear those things and be stuck in little Finland not being able to help any of these situations. There's NOTHING I can do to stop a war, because I'm not a president of a big influential country. There's nothing I can do to stop world hunger. There's nothing I can do to stop people from murdering and raping.

Sure, I can donate money to organisations and spread the world about things, but they don't really do anything. I want to go to Africa and feed the children. I want to go have a long and thoughtful discussion with the stupid people deciding that a war is a great solution. But I'm a 17-year-old girl writing a blog post at 12am.

I'm too passionate, too feeling, too sympathetic to be able to watch the news. Because when do they ever talk about anything positive on the news? When do they say "AND THIS ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL THING TODAY HAPPENED"? No, it's always "sadly this and this happened and these countries are doing this to try and help but let's face it it's useless". No wonder almost everyone on this earth is a little depressed. We don't ever get to hear anything positive. And that's probably also why everyone is so negative.

I don't exactly know what my point is. Maybe I'm trying to tell you to sometime skip that time of day when you watch the news. Because let me tell you, I'm a lot happier when I don't know about all the crap that's going on. Because at least then I don't feel like running up to all the politicians and punching them in the face.

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Happiness

Oh Hi!

Today my blog turns two. I've been blogging pretty solidly for two years now, that's mental!

Sadly I'm currently in a very deep writer's block where I have no inspiration, but today I wanted to talk about happiness. My happiness.

When I started this blog in 2013 I was actually very depressed. I had at the end of 2012 been a week in an emergency "treatment" place because of extreme stress and depression. So when I started this blog I can quite frankly say that I wasn't feeling my best. I hadn't been feeling my best for quite a few years actually.

So when I started this blog I went to talk to a special nurse every week and I took anti-depressants. 

Now, two years later I can say that I've found my happiness. With the help of therapy and anti-depressants I got out of that terrible darkness and I saw some light. I started understanding WHY some people did what they did and every time I go see my therapist I just realize what a happy place I'm in.

My depression came from the outside, from the people who were around me and from my experiences. When I understood how to handle these people and these experiences I started feeling better. I got more confident. And today, if someone were to say something rude I would look them straight in the eye and say "thank you" with a smile or just roll my eyes and continue my day. Whereas two years ago if someone said something rude I would pretend I was fine and that it didn't hurt and then I'd go home and cry. Ah, what a freeing feeling it is to not care anymore.

Maybe one day I'll go into the details about how I ended up in such a dark depressed place, but for now I want you to know that I found my happiness. I want you to know that there's light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes it just takes someone else's eyes to see that light.

I see people online who are extremely depressed and in such dark places and I just want to do everything I can to let them know that there is happiness somewhere out there. Because you see, you're entitled to happiness. You're ALLOWED to be happy.

When you understand what you need to do to be happy and when you start reaching out to happiness wonderful things start to happen. Sometimes you just need someone's help to do that. And that's okay. It's okay to need help, it's actually a great step if you admit to yourself that you need help. Then you can take a deep breath and do what you need to do.

It hasn't been easy. But it's definitely worth it, because now I'm truly who I'm supposed to be. Now I'm happy and cheerful and bubbly and bright, and that's who I've always been deep inside. The darkness that I was feeling just pushed that person down, because whenever I was that person I got hurt. So my logic was: stop being happy and cheerful and bubbly and bright, you'll get hurt that way.

But now, the people who went through this with me smile and say that I'm a completely different person today than who I was two years ago. My friends see a happy girl and I don't think any of them even thought I had ever had depression before I told them. So that's that.

I don't really know what the meaning of this blogpost is, but I feel like I'm claiming my happiness. I feel like I'm standing at the top of a mountain, facing the people and experiences that put me in that dark place, staring them right in the eye and saying "I'm happy, and there's nothing you can do about it" and it's an absolute victory.

I want to finish with adding a song here, "Superheroes" by The Script. I'm a superhero, we're all superheroes. Stand tall, I believe in you♥

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Online thing that helped me with my depression:

The Quiet Place http://thequietplaceproject.com/thequietplace 
The guy who made the quiet place also created 90 Seconds relaxation exercise, The Thoughts Room, The Dawn Room and The Comfort spot, all great for relaxing and getting your thoughts out. They are all listed at the bottom of the site! (The Dawn Room and The Thoughts Room are my personal favorites!)

I want so much

Oh hi!

First of all, I'm writing this on my phone so it'll look different.*

Second of all, I wrote this post already once and then I just went to get my "xoxo Maddie" sign I put in every blogpost and the post was gone. I am pissed.

Third, I don't know what I said in that post. So now this post won't be as good. I'm cursing inside.

So, if you've read my blog for a while you know that I've never been gone for this long. I'm stuck in the worst writer's block I've ever had. I can't even write essays for school. 

I want so much. I want to inspire and I want to change the world. And I'm stuck in this small town in Finland not doing ANYTHING. I don't have any ideas, or then I have ideas and I don't feel like writing. I'm stuck.

My question is: is anyone listening? Or am I writing to a black hole? I see the numbers. "20 people have visited this blog today" but I don't see it. I don't get any comments and I feel like I'm writing into a big black hole. My blogposts just disappear into the world of blogposts. Nothing important here. And I want so much, I want to change the world. And I can't. Because I'm stuck.

I write for myself, but I also write for you. I write to maybe change your view or to make you feel like you're not alone. But then I feel so alone. I feel so empty. 

You see, I actually want to make money out of writing. I love writing, I want to one day write a book or many books. I want to do the things I love, and I wish to make money from that. As horrible as that might sound, I don't want to have 7am-4pm workdays. I want to be my own boss. I want to write for the world and change the world. And I'm stuck. Is anyone listening?

I guess I'm having a crisis. What do I do when I want so much? I don't know where to start. I want to write about important things like feminism, depression and war. I want to write about beauty and fashion. And right now, I'm not doing any of that.

So my question to the few people who read my blog is: what do you enjoy reading about? What do you want me to write about? What are your favorite posts of mine?

Please answer those questions, because again; I am stuck.

(I can however enlighten you and tell you that I'll have a vlog coming your way sometime this week as I met two of my favorite youtubers!)

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*I have since edited this

Spring?

Pictures taken last summer at my grandparents' cottage

Oh Hi!

It seems that everywhere in the world it's now going into spring and the sun is shining and it's warm. And then you step outside in Finland and we currently have half a meter of snow and the roads are slippery as hell.

We're now in that stage here in my town when it's always about 2°C and the roads are super slippery so you have to walk in that awkward way pushing your feet into the ground praying to God you won't slip and end up in the hospital. Needless to say, it's not spring here.

It's also been super windy recently. You check the tempeture and it says 2,5°C so you think "Ah it's warmer outside" and then you have to stand waiting for your parents to pick you up and you realize that it's actually freezing (also you're afraid you'll be swept of your feet and blown into the sky).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I just want it to be summer already. I mean spring is my least favorite season because it's just rainy and dirty everywhere when the snow is melting but we need spring for it to become summer. So please God, give us spring. I am tired of this snowy windy coldness.

I also want to apologize for not posting anything for like 2 weeks. I just got an extreme blogging crisis and I wasn't sure what to write about and what I want to write about so I didn't post anything. The writer's block might come back but I'm trying my absolute best to think of things to write about. I'm just not quite sure what I want to have on this blog. I'll figure it out (I hope). Until then, please be patient with me and my random posting days!

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