Oh Hi,
There's becoming a reoccurring theme on this blog: me sitting down and just writing my heart out. But I quite like it like that, so we'll keep it going. I think this is something I'm going to start doing, a Saturday ramble. It might not be written on a Saturday, but it will always be posted on a Saturday. Unless I fail because I'm bad at commitments, but oh at least I tried.
This week I got new glasses and I'm actually obsessed with them. They're Tommy Hilfiger so I was super hyped and I was also hyped because I would finally be able to see better and not have constant headaches.
Other than getting new glasses, I haven't really done a lot this week. And that's what I want to write about today, not doing anything.
I sometimes find myself with this deep urge to do SOMETHING, my creative personality is screaming out at me, telling me I shouldn't be sat at the computer all day, I WANT TO DO STUFF. This has been one of those weeks.
I'm usually okay with just being at home, staring at my laptop screen 12 hours a day and then sleeping the other 12 hours, just to do the same thing again the next day. But one day this week I felt so restless, so bored like I needed to do something, ANYTHING. The funny youtube videos and heartfelt vlogs weren't cutting it for me and I wanted to do something.
That feeling to want to do something, anything, has passed. Not quite, but mostly. At the beginning of the week the feeling was "get me out of the house and let's DO SOMETHING", now the feeling has changed to "Maddie do something with your life, be creative". What's so weird and what drives me insane is that I have this feeling of wanting to do all this stuff, like writing or painting or drawing, and I love doing all that, but I don't get to actually doing it. I procrastinate even if it's something I want to do. I feel so trapped, wanting to do all these things but finding myself procrastinating and doing things I do every. single. day.
It's quite a vicious circle, wanting to do something but then procrastinating and a few days later not wanting to do it anymore so I keep procrastinating until I get the feeling that I want to do it again and the cycle starts again. And I'm stuck in this circle, trying to get out of it but not really because I'm PROCRASTINATING. I sometimes manage to get out of it, to write a little (like how I'm writing this blogpost), draw, paint, sing or something like that, and then I'm back in the circle again, going round and round, not ever really getting out.
Procrastinating is such a first world problem as well. We're the people who might have the luxury to get away with procrastination, but really we don't. It bites us in the ass when we hand in an assignment late, or we just. don't. get. anything. done. We're useless sometimes, aren't we?
What's also horrible with procrastination is that I find myself thinking "when I've moved to London I'll really put time and effort into this" "when I have inspiration to do that I'll do that" "once I've done this I'll do that". Why can't I just start now? How come I can't start writing that book now, painting that painting now? How come I always think "I'll do it when I'm in that situation" because there's really no time like the present. Why can't I just get on with it and DO IT? I want to do all of these things, and still I push them forward into the future. Who knows how busy I'll be once I've moved to London, so why am I not doing that thing right now while I have summer break? I really need to get a grip.
I want to get to a point where if I want to do something, I just do it. It shouldn't be this hard. I just have to do it.
But I don't manage to do it.
What a vicious circle to be stuck in.
During Monday and Tuesday I helped my friend clean out her closet, on Wednesday I got my new glasses, on Thursday I visited two friends who live about 45 minutes away from me, Friday (today for me) I had the third stage of getting my drivers license (the first stage is having the actual test and getting the license, second is group driving and third is driving on slippery surface to make sure we all still remember that, so now I fully have my drivers license, what joy) and my friend Anna visited me, Saturday I'm going to hers and her husband's to help them pack for when they're moving and on Sunday I'm probably going to sleep. So I lied, I've done a lot. But my brain is still screaming at me, because me doing all those things was probably procrastination from doing all the other things I want to do. But I did do things I want to do, just not things my brain is telling me to do.
Tell me, are you also stuck in this circle? Are we circling together in this frustrating hell? Or are you good at doing things you want to do? If so, give me some tips, I really need them.
Have you seen my latest youtube video?
Trapped | ItsMaddiehbu
No comments:
Post a Comment