Maddie | ...wandering... ....wondering...: A Pointless Blogpost?

Oh Hi,

here I am sat at 11:13pm on a Friday evening with thoughts running through my head and I remember that I now run a blog that is for those thoughts. So strap in, let's go on a journey through my brain and see where we end up (because I don't know either).
I don't think I quite realised how hard it is to find an apartment in the outskirts of London. When I've looked at apartments online I've found lots and lots that I like, but once I've actually contacted the estate agent I've always got the same reply: "this apartment has already been let." Oh okay. And so my search has continued until now, where today I booked in viewings for 4 apartments for when I'm going to England in a week. Let's just hope one of the apartments meet my criteria and is affordable enough and is actually available so that I can get it. Everyone cross your fingers, hands, legs, toes, hair, everything.
I've also booked in the job interview and I've started prepping for that. Fun fact, it will be my first ever job interview so I don't want to show up unprepared and not knowing what to expect. Google has been my best friend when preparing for it, and I'm sure it'll be just fine. As long as I remember to breathe.

I've been really wanting to start pack all my things, but there's no use in doing that before I even know if I have an apartment or a job. However, I've been staring at all of my crap, wondering how the hell am I going to bring all of this stuff to England in 3 massive suitcases? The suitcases are massive, but they will not fit all of my stuff. I'm quite intrigued to actually find out how many boxes my parents will have to send me once I've moved.
It's crazy to think that in one month (one month exactly today, 11th of August) I might be moving to England but it's still not fully happening or sinking in as I don't have an apartment or a job. If I don't find an apartment that I can move in to on the 11th of September or during that week starting 11th September then I'll just be taking a short trip there. How fun.
I really really really really hope everything will fall into place. I'm so ready to pack up my life and move to another country, and as I've said before, there is not one part of me that is unsure or scared. I'm just excited and I hope it will all work out. Again, cross your fingers etc.

What else?...

This week we visited my grandparents from mom's side who live about 200 km away from us. We stayed at their summer cottage from Monday to Thursday (well I actually slept Wednesday night at my grandparents' apartment because mom snores so loudly I didn't sleep very well the other nights). Out at their summer cottage the service is absolutely terrible, and I realised how much I take good phone service for granted. I couldn't check Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat or Youtube and I couldn't even listen to music if I hadn't downloaded it from Apple Music. If I texted somebody it took 2 minutes for that text to deliver. It drove me insane, which is quite worrying because that might indicate that I'm completely addicted to everything on my phone.
I would like to say that it made me detox and take a break from social media and to just enjoy nature, but that would be a complete and total lie. I jacked my mom's service because she (and my brother and dad) has 4G while I have 3G, so she had good service. I used her 4G to download all the songs I wanted to download and I also used her 4G whenever I got a Snapchat or wanted to check Twitter or Instagram. I'm completely useless and lost without my phone.
I can't really say that's something I feel like I want to change though. When I'm going on about my day to day life I don't check my phone every minute. I rarely scroll through Instagram because of their crappy algorithm. I check Twitter, Instagram, texts and Snapchats in the morning, and then I go about my day. I don't need to have my phone with me all the time, and I can be without my phone just fine. I'm aware I'm starting to sound like a person who's addicted to smoking trying to convince themselves and others that they're not addicted to smoking.
But really though, I can leave my phone untouched for hours and not feel like a piece of me is missing. But when I'm forced to not check my phone BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING TO CHECK BECAUSE NOTHING WILL LOAD, that's when it becomes hard. Because when you don't have something you're aware that you don't have it and you want it. When you have it, you don't really care or even think about it that much. But when it's taken from you, you suddenly feel empty. Yes, I felt like a part of me was missing because I couldn't check Twitter or send a Snap.
There was also really nothing to do. Luckily I brought my favourite book, "The Humans" by Matt Haig, so I read that. If I hadn't brought that I would've honestly gone insane.

Whenever I sit down to write a ramble blogpost I'm always blown away by how much crap I can write in one blogpost. It's daunting staring at the empty page telling me to write something, but then once I start writing it's like I could never stop. It's very weird.
This might be a completely pointless blogpost but I'm telling myself that every time I write I practice. So it's okay if it's a jumbled mess and nothing makes sense. It's okay if I've just rambled. At least I'm writing something.

Tell me, do you feel like you're addicted to that thing in your pocket (your phone I mean)? Or do you think you'd be fine if you didn't have a phone?